A Wing in the Wind

I have this dream that visits me from time to time,

of a mango tree just outside my home,

under which I used to spend my spring as a child

playing my own imaginary games away from my mother’s sight

acting silly, feeling free, thinking that this world isn’t too hard to live by!!

As I laid down in the shade to rest,

I saw this little baby parrot trying to sneak out of the nest

half naked, with feathers that appear to be pasted with drool

and wings appearing nothing more than just an appendage

He hopped on the branch, cuddled with the leaves

stopping his ramble just before the branch became too thin

He stretched his neck out to take in the view,

his fragile head bobbing up and down in a funny way

as he kept on peeking at the ground below,

and looking up with dream to bite the sky

Little did the foolish bird know of the famished falcon swirling just above

and in just a blink of an eye, I heard a screech that still gives me tremor in my dream

I knew I was too late in throwing the stone that day

as I saw that reddish being crash just near my feet

with its left wing clipped, left eye slashed

I thought to myself, “this world isn’t too simple to live by after all!!”

My brother helped me clean the wound and put him back into the nest

Next week, my father got transferred to another city

we moved to another place and I never saw that parrot again

I lost connect with birds; with flying in general

and eventually that silly little free boy was also nowhere to be found again

Every time this recurring dream ends,

I wonder what that parrot might be doing

how his mother must have felt when she returned to the nest that day

I lived my adolescence in caution and fear of Nature

But then arrived college, and with it the opportunity to forget and live by myself

pave my own path, dance in the middle of the road to my own tunes

See a girl on the sidewalk, and fall in love with how she moves

As age caught up on me, the dancing stopped and Work began

and I kept on evaluating my dreams against the reality

and then amidst all the confusion, dad’s cancer diagnosis thrashed me onto the ground

as I gasped for some air, begged for some comfort

but I was lucky enough to have a lovely girl rescue me from the sadness

I remember it was in the middle of an autumn night

dark as winter, windy as summer

unable to sleep, I sat on the slab of the sliding window

staring at this big old tree

which in summer used to have more leaves on it than all the stars in the sky,

now has more birds sleeping on it than all the dead leaves that have fallen on the ground

The night started getting chilly,

and just before I got up to shut the window,
I heard a familiar screech

as I saw this strange looking bird emerge from the tree,

flying round and round like a dog trying to catch its own tail

It flew in loops till the moon and stars told it to take a break !

This bird shouted at the sky as if to say, “what else is a bird supposed to do if not fly?”

To which the moon and stars replied, “Rest little bird. Sing when the sun comes up. Dance when it rains. Sleep when it is dark. Protect your eggs with that one wing of yours.”

Is this really happening?

I couldn’t believe my eyes!

Is it the same parrot from my dreams?

I lost sight of it as it plunged abruptly into the nearby bushes

I ran outside as fast as I could, searching for a hint of noise

of a fluttering wing or an exhausted screech

but the only thing I heard were the crickets chirping

and I wondered…… if this night was an illusion or a dream

I still couldn’t believe how a half blind bird with only one wing could fly and survive

Looks like in place of the missing wing,

the parrot grew a third eye and a second heart

Ever since that day, I have trekked through hills and mountains,

visited forests, grasslands and sanctuaries

kayaked through mangrove lagoons

and even learnt Paragliding to fly along the birds,

(‘Flying in order to find an apparently flightless bird’ — how ironic!!)

So one day, while I was navigating my glider through the air trying to spot my phantom

This sublime sunset halted my pursuit
the warm wind grazing the tiniest of hair
the heart soothing the guts with its slowing beats
and eyes overwhelmed by the fleeting landscape
For a moment, my mind went numb and merged with some sort of silence

And then it stuck me what was so obvious all along
I have always been evaluating instead of just observing !!

I realised -

“Sneaking out from the nest was me shifting to college hostel,

the branch was my paved path, the leaves were my infatuations

to fly was my dream, work and family was my reality

and that falcon was nothing but the messenger of sickness

and the person putting the parrot back to his nest was my lover”

As it turns out, it was the parrot who found me that night,

I did nothing but observe

And my very quest to find him became my route to freedom from the fears of Nature

Times like these make me think what really came first — Question or Answer?

and after experiencing paragliding and kitesurfing this year,

I now feel that Answers are always blowing in the wind,

one just needs to catch the rising wind inside the canopy

and steer it with one’s weight

The Question is “Can you”?

P.S.

I don’t know whether birds die of natural causes or where they go to die

but if I understand the spirit of that handicapped parrot… even a little bit

I know that — When he will get tired of falling abruptly, everytime the wind got too strong for his wing

When he will realize that he has lived a brave enough life,

That day he will go to the top of the tallest mango tree

cut off his feet, attach them to his left shoulder

and take off for the ‘one last time’

while singing for the ‘first time’ as if he has grown a new mouth where his left wing used to be

He will soar gloriously like no eagle has soared before

sing like no songbird has sung before

fly for a time that no albatross has flown before

“Because the Bird with one wing and no feet DOES fly, and it sleeps in the wind”